Resolutions of a Judgy B-

Ok, so the party favors are from NYE 2016. But no judgment.

Ok, so the party favors are from NYE 2016. But no judgment.

I am a judgmental bitch.

I wasn’t always this way. There was a long time where I was consciously open-minded. I made efforts to always assume a person was doing the best they could with what they had at any given moment. As a teacher and an administrator, I gave parents the benefit of the doubt as I believed that they loved their child and were trying to be the best kind of parent they knew how. I worked at this practice. I worked at being empathic and compassionate and I felt good about those things.

When I became a mom however, that changed. Continue reading

That’s not a glow. It’s perspiration.

It is safe to say that I have shirked my blog of late.  It is not the only, nor the most important, of the “duties” I ccbc92e6-4f00-4d58-94e4-5fc4844e0ca0have been putting off in the last 3 or so months. Without boring you with the exhaustive list, we will just say that my conditioner does not need to be replaced as often as it once did, and when my doorbell rings, regardless of the time of day, my 1-year old screams, “Pizza!” and gleefully runs to the door to accept dinner. (In fairness to me, he is only right about 80 percent of the time.) Sometimes I think I am lazy. Sometimes I think I am busy and overwhelmed. Really though, as my new physical form would tell any interested onlooker, in case they hadn’t yet heard my 3-year-old announce how HUGE his mommy’s belly is and how many babies she is holding in it, I chalk it up to this: I am pregnant. (With one baby. Just one. My belly is just kind of big and my kid is just kind of mean.) Continue reading

A Bedtime Blessing for my Babies

FullSizeRender.jpgThe sun is resting now, boys, so it is time for you to rest too. Tomorrow, there will be magic and wonder and joy in  your day but for tonight…

May you quickly feel the peace of sleep.

Like in under 45 minutes because The Real Housewives of New York is on tonight, and Luann has lost her shizz and I can’t miss that.

May all your dreams be sweet ones.

Because if you tell me one more time there is a monster in your room at 4 am, I am going to take Sully and Mike Wazowski out back and kick their furry asses. As I told you at 8:00, and 8:30, and 9:15, this is a monster-free zone. Mommy won’t let you have a dog or a kitty so she certainly isn’t letting a stinky, hairy monster live here.

May you feel warm and cozy as you rest your sweet heads.

So please don’t pee through your diaper. And if you do, please be so tired that you don’t notice. Because the only thing worse than scaring away the monsters at 4 am is changing the damn sheets in a crib.

As you sleep, may you grow in body and mind and soul.

One suggestion for an area of growth? Telling time. Please learn how to tell time and please believe me when I say that 5 am is not morning. It is indecent to call it morning and it will make the people around you hate you. At least until their second cup of coffee.

May the stars and moon watch over you and keep you safe until the sun comes back out to play.

But please know that I mean that figuratively. Because when you peek out of your shades at the very first crack of dawn, and stand up on your tiny train bed screaming, “Mama! I did it! I slept by myself! [Editor’s note: He didn’t.] The sun is up and it’s a beautiful day and the trees are awake and I wanna go downstairs and I want a banana and I want a blue and I want to watch Paw Patrol! Mama?? MAMAAAAAAAAA!!!”; Well, my darling boy, even the stars and moon have an opinion on you and…see above.


Hello World!

img_9934I am really into natural birth.

By that I mean, I planned a natural birth with my first son but had a pretty damn glorious epidural instead.  My second baby was born in the fastest and most painful 2.5 hours of my life, most of which were spent at home waiting for a sitter, thus allowing me to imagine I would have turned down an epidural had I been offered one.  Ahh, sweet, beautiful, natural birth.

In my plan, my writing, my musings about motherhood would also come about very naturally. I would caress my big pregnant belly and daydream about how I was going to utilize all of that time while my baby was sleeping to share my beautiful new mothering experiences. I would rest my baby on his nursing pillow while simultaneously nourishing his little body with my milk, and quietly, but confidently, hammer at the keys of my laptop. It would be sunshine and rainbows.  It would be sunshine beaming down upon unicorns riding rainbows. Gosh, I was going to be a really, really fantastic mom. Continue reading