The sun is resting now, boys, so it is time for you to rest too. Tomorrow, there will be magic and wonder and joy in  your day but for tonight…

May you quickly feel the peace of sleep.

Like in under 45 minutes because The Real Housewives of New York is on tonight, and Luann has lost her shizz and I can’t miss that.

May all your dreams be sweet ones.

Because if you tell me one more time there is a monster in your room at 4 am, I am going to take Sully and Mike Wazowski out back and kick their furry asses. As I told you at 8:00, and 8:30, and 9:15, this is a monster-free zone. Mommy won’t let you have a dog or a kitty so she certainly isn’t letting a stinky, hairy monster live here.

May you feel warm and cozy as you rest your sweet heads.

So please don’t pee through your diaper. And if you do, please be so tired that you don’t notice. Because the only thing worse than scaring away the monsters at 4 am is changing the damn sheets in a crib.

As you sleep, may you grow in body and mind and soul.

One suggestion for an area of growth? Telling time. Please learn how to tell time and please believe me when I say that 5 am is not morning. It is indecent to call it morning and it will make the people around you hate you. At least until their second cup of coffee.

May the stars and moon watch over you and keep you safe until the sun comes back out to play.

But please know that I mean that figuratively. Because when you peek out of your shades at the very first crack of dawn, and stand up on your tiny train bed screaming, “Mama! I did it! I slept by myself! [Editor’s note: He didn’t.] The sun is up and it’s a beautiful day and the trees are awake and I wanna go downstairs and I want a banana and I want a blue and I want to watch Paw Patrol! Mama?? MAMAAAAAAAAA!!!”; Well, my darling boy, even the stars and moon have an opinion on you and…see above.

Amen.